Ways to Deal with your Anger

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Do you know anyone who never gets angry? Are you familiar with someone who never shows anger to anyone? It is quite possible that you would say yes to the second question. However, it would be much harder to get 'yes' from anyone to the first question. If there is an extraordinarily enlightened being, then it could be the case that s/he never gets angry whatsoever. Otherwise, as ordinary humans, we all are the victims of the emotion called anger. The only difference is in the way we individually deal with this emotion. Some control it, some let it out and some let it subside gradually. Anyways, the point I want to discuss here is that it is not always necessary to react instantly and violently to this emotion. You can choose a better way out so that you'll have more of your happy days.

Your first priority should be to take control over your anger. And in order to keep a situation under control, it's a good practice not to react quickly. Reacting quickly is one of the main reasons why you often end up having an unwanted argument. If you have not done it before, then start from now and try not to react quickly whenever you hear something that doesn't sound good to your ears. Even a second of pause can change the way you respond to the comments you hear from others. And you might have realized that sometimes you utter the words that you later feel were absolutely unnecessary. If someone walking on the street accidentally elbows you and instantly says "I am sorry" or "please, forgive me",  then s/he is actually being polite and nice. However, your instant reaction could be "can't you see?" or "don't you have eyes?". That's where the dispute begins. What could have gone wrong if you had paused a second and said, "It's okay; I'm fine"? Nothing would go wrong. Instead both of you would have a great day ahead. So, the point here is that it's not necessary for you to waste your time justifying yourself in trivial cases. You should rather take time to react and practise avoiding unnecessary arguments. That eventually will prepare you for even tougher situations.

Another way to deal with your anger is to acknowledge the fact that your reaction is not always spontaneous. This might not sound right to you but if you observe yourself, you'll realize that you act differently when the situation is the same but individuals you are dealing with are different. When your siblings or your own children annoy you, you react immediately with harsh words. But when your boss scolds you and makes you exasperated, you don't react instantly. You hold your anger. And few days later, you try to please him/her with a better performance. That's why your violent personality is not something you can't get rid of. It's just that you are more aware of your anger while dealing with some people and not so conscious of it while with others. So, you just need to acknowledge the fact that most of your reactions are given consciously, and that you can change them with a little bit of conscious effort.

I have realized and tried both of the above method but something I personally happen to do is to think of the consequences of my anger. Of course it's much harder to realize the consequence right at the moment when the incident happens. So, over a period of time, I have developed a belief that anger is a dangerous emotion for me. It takes time but when you start believing that showing anger is not a right way to treat people, you automatically begin to feel bad about yourself whenever you get angry. And for me, this feeling of being bad has always stopped me from reacting violently. Of course, everyone has their limits but if you start having this belief about anger, you'll certainly not be so furious over every tiny little matter.

It takes time and effort to develop the ability to have some amount of control over your anger. So, you might rather want to find a different path. And you can certainly make a different approach to deal with your anger. The emotion of anger produces a lot of energy in your body which is something I do not need to explain to you. When you get angry, you don't care about others' opinion, you are not afraid of the people around you and your mind almost becomes single-pointed. So, you can take anger as energy. In one of his motivational videos, Sandeep Maheshwari, an entrepreneur and a motivational speaker (though he denies to recognize himself as a 'motivational speaker') speaks about the positive side of anger. In the video, he talks about channelling anger into productivity. According to his idea, when your anger is sticking to your mind so strongly, you can channel that emotion to a work you want to do. And this can be illustrated with two different situation. In one situation, you are very angry for some reason and you don't know what to do to make yourself calm. Then you can divert your energy and start doing a work that has remained unfinished for some time. Your energy at that time is so high that you might end up completing your work 2 times faster. In another case, you might get criticized by your friends and relatives for not being successful in achieving your goal and you get so angry that you become determined to prove them wrong. You then finally give your 100% to achieve success. So, channelling your anger into something productive is one way to deal with it.

Personally, I feel that it's a lot easier and safer to practise observing your anger and reduce the level of anger over time. If you develop the habit of observing of your thoughts and actions, you will not only become calmer in infuriating situations but you will also try your best not to make others angry. However, I have already mentioned few ways to deal with your anger. You may choose what sounds best to you for now as well as in the long run.