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| Image by Gerd Altmann from Pixabay |
Criticism doesn't always work. In fact, most of us must have realized
that it doesn't work most of the time. We often pinpoint others' mistakes
hoping that they will change after listening to our criticism. But most of the
time, we fail. But why is it so? What do you think is the reason?
Well, if you pay attention, it is very simple to understand. It is as
simple as understanding what makes you happy and sad. There are many things in
your life that make you happy, and criticism is certainly not one among them.
When you are praised, you become happy. When someone shows love and affection
to you, you become happy. When people appreciate your efforts, it brings a
smile on your face. However, when somebody criticizes you, you don't actually
feel happy. So, it doesn't take a rocket science to understand why criticizing
doesn't work most of the time. If you make people unhappy, they won't be happy
to help you whatsoever.
Second and more important thing you need to realize is that we all see
mistakes in others but not ourselves. And this applies to everyone in the
world. You might have gone through situations where you are not able to figure
out why a person is not accepting his/her mistake while the person is waiting
for you to realize your mistake and apologize. Let's forget about the trivial
things and think about the big mistakes you think people are committing. There
are some people who follow the path of violence. And of course, society looks
upon them with contempt. However, for them they are not doing any mistake.
Instead they must be wondering why society is not able to see what they can see.
For them, they are 100% correct. Dale Carnegie, in the first chapter of his
book How to Win Friends and Influence People, emphasizes this point and
tells a story of a gunman known as 'Two Gun' Crowley. For police, he was a
criminal. An incident is mentioned in the book where Crowly killed a policeman
with the bullets of his gun only because the policeman asked him to show his
driving license. And Crowley was the same person who wrote in a letter,
"Under my coat is a weary heart, but a kind one - one that would do nobody
any harm". He was later sentenced to death. And a moment before he was
killed, he said, "This is what I get for defending myself". So, are
you still complaining about why your friends are not realizing their mistakes
and why your parents think they are always right?
Well, then what are we supposed to do? Shouldn't we do anything at all?
No, it doesn't mean that you are not supposed to do anything at all. You need to practise one thing - UNDERSTANDING. In Dale Carnegie's book, he has mentioned an
incident about Bob Hoover, a famous test pilot. Bob had to do an emergency
landing after both engines of the plane he was flying suddenly stopped.
Although nobody was hurt, the plane was badly damaged. Upon inspection, it was
found that the World War II propeller plane had been fuelled with jet fuel
instead of gasoline. Bob wanted to see the mechanic who had serviced the
aeroplane. The man was extremely scared thinking about Bob Hoover's anger. And
it's absolutely obvious that anyone in Bob's place would be mad at the young
man for such a big mistake. But what happened was the opposite. Bob Hoover put
his big arm around the man's shoulder and said, "To show you I'm sure that
you'll never do this again, I want you to service my F-51 tomorrow". So,
are you getting the point? Yes, it's all about understanding. The person
sitting next to you is as emotional as you are. People around you are as
vulnerable as you are. Shouting at them for their mistakes won't make them do
what you want them to do. Instead, try to understand their perspective. Try to
find out why they think that way. And even better, try to find something that
is so positive about them, realizing the fact that there's something good in
everyone of us. Encourage them to nurture that good part of them. And if you
can, STOP judging people. You could be right in your place but are they wrong?
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